EngineerHer

At some point in most conversations I have with senior women engineers, the same thing happens.

We’re talking about what they want in their next role. The kind of work that would make them feel genuinely good about Monday mornings. The environment that would let them do their best work. The balance that would mean they could be present at home without feeling like they’re failing at work.

And then they stop themselves.

“I know I’m probably being too fussy.”

“I don’t want to sound unrealistic.”

“Maybe I’m expecting too much.”

Every time I hear this I want to ask the same question back. Too fussy compared to what? Compared to the role that’s been draining you for years? Compared to the working conditions you’ve already proven you can survive?

Knowing what brings you joy and energy at work isn’t fussiness. It’s precision. And precision is something engineers are genuinely excellent at – we just don’t always apply it to our own careers.

For women engineers finding fulfilling work, the ability to name exactly what you need isn’t a luxury. It’s the whole strategy.

The difference between preferences and fuel

I want to draw a distinction that I think matters here.

Preferences are things that would be nice. A good coffee machine in the break room. A shorter commute. A team that does the occasional social event.

Fuel is different. Fuel is the work that makes time disappear. The problems that wake something up in you. The moments where you look up and realise three hours have passed and you didn’t notice. The projects where your expertise lands so cleanly that you wonder why anyone would do anything else.

Most career planning focuses on preferences. Better salary. Better title. Better hours. These things matter and you absolutely deserve them.

But if you don’t know what fuels you – if you take the next role based entirely on what it offers rather than what it asks of you – you can end up better paid and better titled and just as hollow.

The question isn’t just “what do I want?” It’s “what work actually energises me?”

Why women engineers struggle to answer this

There’s a reason this question is harder than it sounds.

When you’ve spent years in environments that didn’t particularly care whether you were energised – that needed you reliable, not inspired – you get very good at doing the work regardless of how it makes you feel.

You deliver. You solve the problem. You keep the thing running. Whether or not it lights you up is beside the point.

Over time, the signal gets quieter. You stop noticing what energises you because noticing stopped being useful. It didn’t change anything, so your brain filed it away.

Getting that signal back requires deliberately tuning in to something you may have been tuning out for years. That takes practice and it takes honesty.

Finding your fuel

For women engineers finding fulfilling work, I find it helps to go back to specifics rather than abstractions.

Not “I want meaningful work” – but what specifically felt meaningful, and when?

Not “I want more autonomy” – but what exactly were you doing the last time you felt genuinely trusted?

Not “I want to use my skills” – but which skills? The technical problem solving? The people reading? The ability to hold a complex system in your head and see where it’s going to break before anyone else does?

Think about the moments in your career where you were fully present. Not just competent – present. Where the work asked something of you and you had exactly what it needed. Where you went home tired but satisfied rather than tired and empty.

Those moments are data. They’re telling you something specific about what fuels you.

Think about the work you do that nobody asks you to do. The problems you find yourself turning over in your head on a walk. The conversations you always have more energy for than you expected. The parts of your job you’d do for free if you had to.

That’s fuel. And a role built around that is not a fantasy. It’s a specification.

Being specific is a strategy, not a luxury

Here’s what I want you to take from this.

When you know specifically what energises you – not vaguely, but precisely – you become a much better evaluator of opportunities. You stop being swayed by impressive company names and attractive salaries and start asking the questions that actually matter. What will I be doing day to day? Where will my energy go? What will this role ask of me and do I actually want to give it?

That specificity also makes you a more compelling candidate. People who know what they want and can articulate why are far more interesting in an interview room than people who are generically available.

You’re not being fussy. You’re building a filter. And a good filter is the difference between another role you survive and one you actually want to be in.

If you want to start getting specific about what fuels you, the Engineering Career Clarity Guide walks you through exactly that process – using your real experience rather than a generic framework.

Download it free here: The Engineering Career Clarity Guide

You’ve earned the right to be specific. Use it.