EngineerHer

I was speaking to a woman last night and we were discussing “feeling small” in her space. Now, by feeling small, she meant that she had to be quiet, not make a fuss, take what was given to her, be pleasant…essentially, be invisible. Don’t have boundaries. Keep still.

This is a woman who didn’t share with her friends that she had surgery coming up and needed a lift to the hospital… I mean to be fair, this is an extreme case. But, there is an underlying current of this in many women’s careers.

Why being quiet doesn’t work

I’ve written before about how important having a champion is. And in that post, and indeed in other posts, I mention how many women think going in and doing a good job is enough. Someone will eventually notice their good work.

It’s sadly not the case. Being quiet can work against you. You can work diligently, doing all the tasks that come your way, keeping on top of everything no matter what… and people start taking you for granted. They assume you’re happy doing what you’re doing and never want to change. They’ll not consider you for exciting projects or new positions because – why would they? You’re motoring along, not asking for anything, just getting the job done.

If you don’t speak up, no one will know what you really want. No matter how much we want the contrary, managers, leaders and colleagues are rarely psychic.

No one will realise that, actually, you detest doing the weekly report and would much rather than job got passed around the team so no one gets landed with it, week in, week out.

No one will realise that, actually, you have a master’s in data science and would love to jump on that new project because it would utilise your skills and knowledge – unless you tell them.

Keeping quiet will not work. Managers will assume you’re not interested unless you tell them otherwise.

Treating management like toddlers?

I mean, sometimes, yes…

By which I mean, saying something once, isn’t enough. you know the way you have to train a toddle how to dress themselves, use the bathroom, feed themselves? And they mess up loads before they finally get the hang of it?

Management is pretty much the same. Leadership is even worse.

So, you need to repeat yourself. Sometimes ad nauseum. Now, of course, you need to listen to what your manager is saying as well. If you want to be CEO and you have no financial or business experience – you might be overreaching.

But if there’s an area you’d really love to engage with, keep repeating it to your manager. Not daily, usually, but certainly once a month or so.

Sometimes, it takes repetition for them to get the idea.

Taking up space means moving as well

Yeah. Management and leadership can help of course, but sometimes taking up that space means putting yourself out of your comfort zone.

It means going to talk to the project lead on that exciting new project and getting to know them a bit. Letting them know about your area of expertise that could make their lives so much easier.

Sometimes it means grabbing a coffee with someone you don’t know very well, purely to get to know them better and help them get to know you better. I mean, ok, you’re probably not pouring out your life story in the first cuppa, but you can normally find common ground with people, no matter who they are.

(Please note, I said “normally” there. Not always, just normally…)

Taking up space means speaking up. Don’t tell me you can go a whole week with nothing to contribute to the wider team. Trust me when I say, you definitely have something to contribute. Which means you need to speak up.

If you doubt me? Look at some of the people spouting rubbish at any meeting (and to be fair, this can be me as well at times!) If you’re listening to someone talking pure shite and can say, “Well I know more about this than they do”, then speak up.

it’s really that simple.

Don’t make yourself small

Seriously. Enough other people will do that for you – you don’t need to help them!

And at the start, you might need to make a plan for this. You might need to decide you’ll say one full sentence at this particular meeting to make headway. Or you might need to book some time with your manager to discuss something you really want to do or a project you’re very interested in.

You might need to practice what you’re going to say, feel really awkward, chicken out a few times, then say it anyway, feel dreadful… then realise no one is suddenly jumping up and down at your temerity at speaking up.

You might actually find that people are interested in what you have to say. That people are listening to you. What you say might actually make sense…

Don’t hide at work. Don’t fade into the background when you want progression, engagement, opportunities.

Step forward. Do the thing.

Take up the space.