EngineerHer

Last week I wrote about leadership and the importance of the positives. This week, I want to write about what to learn from a bad leader.

Because, if I’m honest, I’ve learned as much from the bad leaders I’ve run away from as I have from the good leaders I seek to emulate. And, if I’m even more honest, I have been that bad leader sometimes. At least to some people.

Self reflection is probably one of the most important skills a leader should have, because if there’s one person off track on the team, it’s possible it’s the person, or the fit between person and role. If the whole team is off-track – it’s time to look in the mirror. But so many of us resist this sort of self-reflection, because we see being a leader as part of our identity. Not something we actively need to work at.

Consistency

One of the worst leaders I even had had issues with consistency. Seriously. He’d ask for a report in the morning in one format. Change it to different format by lunchtime and berate me for not providing it in a third format at the end of the day. And then start off the same the following day.

I ended up crying on the way into and out of work after about three months. And the relief I felt when handing in my notice… it was amazing. Mind you, I had already recognised the signs – he was heading me towards a PIP. (If you’ve not come across this before, a PIP is a Performance Improvement Plan and most organisations have them or something like them. It’s usually a sign you’re on the way out the door in my experience.)

The worst part was, I never knew what was expected of me, though. Seriously. I’m not joking about requirements for various reports, strategies, programs, plans, etc changing three times a day. I couldn’t keep up. It just wore me down.

And ok, there are times when I change my mind about things in work. But I try to be consistent on the important things. Things like:

• We support our team
• I don’t micromanage
• We solve problems, we don’t blame people

What I consider the basics.

And of course, there have been times I turn to my team on a Friday afternoon to say things along the lines of “OK, the proverbial has hit the fan, we all need to jump on this for about an hour to get it sorted.” It’s an interruption and it affects people’s mental well being, which is why I try not to do it too often, but it’s also rare I do it. So my team isn’t overwhelmed by constant change.

Temper

I’m highlighting temper particularly here, because I tend towards the shorter end of that spectrum. And it gets shorter with increased stress. I’m aware of this and I try to be aware of how I present to people, but sometimes I get it wrong. And sometimes I do lose my temper.

As I grow older, it’s definitely easier to hold it in, particularly as I move to environments where I am better supported as a person by my manager. But there have been times I’ve lost the cool.

And yes, I still regard this as a sign of a bad leader. (I did say, any leader who thinks they always act perfectly is lying! We can all show behaviours at time that are less than exemplary)

Particularly when dealing with your own team. I will use strong language and let people know in no doubt where they stand when they cross a line or do something truly heinous – but it’s rare I’m like that with my own team. Well, to be honest, there’s only been once in the last year I’ve really let rip at anyone… and that definitely wasn’t with my own team!

But a leader who constantly berates and raises voices and loses the cool is a bad leader. Someone standing in a team meeting and shouting, giving out to people, and not offering support and help – that’s not leading. That’s beating people down. It’s belittling them.

Now, I’m not talking about strong debate. Listen, there are times my team have some very robust debates. But there’s no temper in it. There’s passion. There’s heated words. But it’s not against the person. There’s no attacks against the person.

Temper is the sign of a leader out of control.

Constantly skipping one-to-one meetings

I make my one-to-one’s the most important meetings of my week. Why? Cos I know if my team are doing well, I’m doing well. It doesn’t matter how high my stress is, because if my team are getting the support they need, they will take some of that stress from me.

But there are leaders out there who think one-to-ones are not necessary or they’re a waste of time when you’re talking to a team member daily anyway. This isn’t true. A one-to-one is your team member’s safe space to bring up topics that concern them. I have strict rules about these meetings:

• They’re confidential
• They’re driven by my team members
• If I miss one, I do my best to make it up to the person in question
• They last as long as my team member needs them to last
• Whatever topic the team member wants to bring up is fine. I will discuss whatever they want to discuss.

But I have experienced leaders who were “far too busy” to maintain a one-to-one schedule. I’ve worked under those who had no problem talking to me, but holding them to a schedule was impossible. I’ve worked with leaders who couldn’t meet with me from one year end review to the next. These relationships were not successful.

Equally, when my manager tried to drive the agenda, it had me feeling this wasn’t a one-to-one, but a status update, and frankly, most of the time could have been an email. If I want an update from my team, I’ll ask them for it. But that’s not a one-to-one.

If you don’t give your team members space to talk to you about what’s important to them, how do you get to know them? How do you engage with them on a personal level? If you’re constantly driving the agenda, you will never know what’s important to them.

I have worked for managers who never knew where my passions lay. They never realised half my qualifications, knowledge etc, because they never asked and they never gave me the opportunities to show it. Those teams lost a lot of value by underutilising me.

Now again – there have been times when I’ve struggled with one-to-ones. There are people I struggle to hold conversations with. That doesn’t mean I don’t make the effort. There is always something to speak about.

Hiding

Now, I will sometimes say to my team, “Listen I need to hide for a few hours this morning, so if anyone’s looking for me, ye haven’t seen me. But I’m on teams if ye need me.” Or if I’m in an all-day meeting (thankfully not too often anymore!), I’ll warn them in advance.

Because if nothing else, I am available to my team.

But when you can’t find your manager or can’t contact them during a normal working day? And it’s happening frequently and consistently? That’s a really bad sign.

I’ve been in the situation where I couldn’t find my manager for guidance or support for days on end. That’s not a leader. That’s barely a manager. It looks bad on the leader but it also looks bad on the team. Like, how do you lose your manager?

(My frequent requests to electronically tag certain people have thus far been turned down in every organisation I’ve worked in!)

But hiding from your own team, consistently and continually, is a really bad sign. What are you afraid of? What don’t you want to deal with?

It’s perfectly alright to walk away for a few mins to catch your breath or calm down etc. But hiding from issues, even if those issues are people, won’t make them go away. At best they go underground and lead to bitterness, resentment and, ultimately losing good people.

Being afraid of a team member

Look, for most of my career, my leaders have known a lot more than I do about most stuff. But in recent years, that’s changing – and good leaders will acknowledge this. Frankly, having a team member who knows more than I do, means I can leave that topic to them and just check in now and again.

But there are people who lead teams that feel they must know more than their team members about everything. That sounds exhausting to me, but I understand the impulse. What right do you have to lead if you don’t know more?

Well, technical knowledge isn’t usually a requirement for a leader. I mean, some basics help, so your poor team doesn’t need to explain things from scratch every time, but you don’t need to know more about everything that every member of your team does.

That’s just impossible. And if you have a leader that claims this, they’re either lying or hiring people deliberately that know less than they do. Which, honestly, seems like a horrendous way to run a team. The whole point is the team know more as a whole than any individual member…

But you get leaders who are afraid of team members who know more than them. About anything. And they will either panic, or fawn over these team members, or worst of all – get rid of them. It’s easy to claim someone isn’t a fit, or isn’t a good team player, or doesn’t have the correct skill set. In Ireland, firing people isn’t as straightforward as in the US, but there are ways and means to persuade people to leave. (I mean, read the other heading on this list – particularly the PIP option!)

I much prefer my team members to know more than I do about their topic of expertise. It makes my life easier. And yes, I’m well aware that there are certain members of my team that will overtake me on the career ladder – and I can’t wait to see it!

But there are leaders out there that resent this or see it as a failing on them if their team member passes them out. To me, it’s a sign I recognised and cultivated excellent talent for the organisation. Plus it means there’s someone higher up on the ladder who (hopefully) thinks well of me that I can contact in times of need!

What can you learn

I’m sure there are topics on your list that you have experienced through bad leadership. I’m sure there are things that you have sworn you will never inflict on another person after your experience.

That’s brilliant – learn from it. And share your learnings! But equally, you need to pay attention to those around you. How does your team react to you coming to talk to them? Are they eager and willing to come to one-to-ones or hesitant and hanging back? Do they feel free to approach you or are they avoiding you?

And look in the mirror as well. Did any of my comments above make you feel a bit uncomfortable? That might be something to look at. But think back to the leaders you hated working for as well.

What can you learn???