EngineerHer

I’m an advocate of bringing your whole self to work. But I’m also an advocate of choosing what you share to ensure your own safety. So, how do we reconcile this?

Well, ok, for me? Safety first. Not being able to bring your entire self to work is a potential sign of a problem anyway – and if that’s the case, feel free to book a call and we can have a chat about that.

But it also depends on what you’re hiding and why. And honestly – a lot of it is to do with politics. Not to mention the stage of your career and the stage of life you’re at. But let’s talk about this.

Why politics in particular?

Well, to be honest, because most of the issues I see with people feeling uncomfortable being themselves has to do with politics. Or perceived morality – but that’s nearly always tied in with politics anyway.

With it being Pride month, our LGBTQ+ brother and sisters and siblings are top of my mind here, but there are other areas where you may or may not be comfortable being obvious in work about things.

Sexuality, gender, ethnicity, family, origin story… there are all sorts of personal bits and bobs about us that really, shouldn’t affect us in work. But the effort of hiding something is painful. And takes energy. Energy that could be better served y’know, actually doing the work we’re paid to do.

So, really it’s in everyone’s best interests to not have to worry about who they are and how they present in work. And by “how they present” I really mean that people shouldn’t be self conscious about the core of who they are. Even if they aren’t sure if that core is solid, fluid, in flux or whatever.

Politics covers so much of our lives. It determines much of the “water cooler” type discussions we have in work. Topics I’m pretty sure I’ll be talking about today in work include:

• Kilkenny beating Galway in yesterday’s Leinster final (yes, Galway is a Connacht team, just don’t ask for logic in the GAA, ok?)
• The so-called LA riots (I was alive and watching the news in ’92. When LA riot, they riot….)
• The Israeli takeover of the Madleen, in its attempt to break the naval blockade in Gaza
• Leinster vs Glasgow rugby match at the weekend
• Why so many of our team are not in the office (combo of training, illness, and travel)
• What is going on in two of our process areas right now (various degrees of gossip here)
• My new nails (I got some nail wraps from Lily and Fox late last week and got them on me at the weekend)

You think nail wraps aren’t political??

OK, so the majority of my team are male and not interested in nail art at all. That’s not to say that no men in my life are interested in nail art, but this lot definitely aren’t. But the reasons why I went for the Australian website and not the US website to order these nail wraps is definitely political. And my entire team – to be fair, most people who know me – know where I stand on the issue of the current administration in the US.

(Not a fan, in case you were in any doubt)

So, yes, nail wraps can be political. And me being able to come in and natter away about how excited I am to be able to decorate my nails in a way I like, for a cost I like, from a location I like?

I mean, they’re 100% vegan and not tested on animals. Not as common as you’d think, even in the modern world. I eat meat, but I don’t see why animals should suffer just cos I want my nails to look pretty. They have separate manicure and pedicure designs. Now, I haven’t tried the feet option yet – that might demand a level of flexibility I don’t currently possess, but I’m interested. They list out all their ingredients and why they use that ingredient.

So far, so good.

But in that paragraph alone, we touched on several political topics that can be reasons to keep stum in work. I know there are people on my team who don’t feel strongly about veganism. We don’t currently have any vegans on the team, but the decision to consider animal cruelty in our daily lives is political. As is the openness in what ingredients are used in the nail wraps and why.

Why might people hide who they are?

Fear of judgement. Leading to a loss of their job really. Most people don’t hide who they are cos they’re ashamed. They’re in a place where they can’t safely be themselves.

Places I think of that people might not imagine would be:

• Being a Traveller in Ireland and working – well pretty much anywhere really
• Being a pagan in the Bible Belt in the US
• Being pro-Trump in La right now doesn’t appear to be very sensible
• Being pro-Palestine in Israel right now – equally – doesn’t appear to be sensible
• Being pro-Israel in Ireland right now

There are long lists of things we could all put together, to show how and why people might hide who they are and what they think. And there are people in all of the above situations who are open and out about what they are and what they believe. There are also people living their lives in various parts of the world, terrified their friends and neighbours might find out something about them.

And ruin their livelihoods.

And yes, I’ve touched on some highly controversial topics in that list above. That’s why people might not feel comfortable sharing.

But there’s a difference

Between an opinion and something you just are.

Imagine being trans but not out at work? So you have to live a false life for 40%+ of your existence? Having to create a persona just to get through the day and keep your job?

I’m not on the same level as that. But I did spend years feeling like I couldn’t be myself in work. I had to fit in. I had to keep my opinions, my thoughts, my desires to myself. I couldn’t just be myself.

And it took so much energy. And that wasn’t really hiding the core of who I was, that was just hiding the decoration, so to speak.

How much worse is it, to feel like you can’t dress the way you wish in work. You can’t wear clothes that are comfortable and professional. Not because of safety or PPE requirements, but because of the judgement of other people.

So here’s where the responsibility lies on those of us in more secure positions lies.

Be the person who stands up

This can be harder than it seems sometimes. But as allies, we need to take the brunt sometimes. And be the person who stands up for someone’s right to live. And live without fear of being who they are.

Now, I’m struggling with people supporting the current ICE travesties of justice in the US right now, and this is where the paradox of tolerance comes in.

For a person though, an individual, when you see them struggling, you can ask if they want help. Or if you hear someone saying something in work that impacts marginalised communities, minorities, etc, you can speak up. Not in a horrible way, just in a “hey, have you thought what makes people who are X feel around you? Cos it’s not possible to tell just by looking”

(And yeah, it’s nearly always impossible to tell by looking… no matter what people think.)

Whether it’s someone who’s LGBTQ+, or a Traveller, or wants to be a trad wife – or the male equivalent, although I’ve not come across that yet! – if people aren’t forcing other people to live as they do, they are entitled to their opinions and their way of life.

And what does it hurt you if someone makes different choices? What actual impact does it have on you at all?

Politics permeates our lives. And to say “it’s not professional to bring politics to work” is naive at best, and dangerous at worst. Because not only will people know that this workplace is not a safe place to work, the organisation will lose the diversity needed to truly succeed in the modern world.

Or didn’t you realise that diversity creates better solutions to almost any problem you care to mention?