EngineerHer

I was part of an off site meeting on Monday as part of a team building exercise. The issue of “self-care” came up and some of the commentary about it surprised me a bit. So, I thought I’d write about self-care as a female engineer for a bit.

What is self-care?

This was one of the surprising ones for me. I generally count my basic self care as getting enough sleep, drinking enough water (can be liquids, I just like water), eating a nutritious diet, getting enough movement and fresh air.

Honestly, if those four things are taken care of, I’m usually ok.

However, there those who think that self-care comprises of things like getting your nails done; having a bubble bath; catching up with friends; date night.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with these things, but those to me are in under treats. Self-care comes in under “needs” rather than “wants”.

Prioritise your Wellbeing

You may notice my self care basics are well… pretty basic. And they are. I also include making sure my rent and bills are paid in this packet. Ensuring we have food in the house for those nights when neither of us can cope with cooking. Making sure we have the ingredients we both like and need for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks. Taking a single deep breath of fresh air in the morning before getting into the car.

These things are really basic. And for a lot of people, maybe they’re second nature. But I know for many of us, myself included, this isn’t the case.

And honestly, as engineers, we don’t always think of wellbeing. Maybe it’s time we started.

The next level of self care for me are a bit more advanced:

• My morning yoga (this can be as little as 3mins, or as long as 20mins, depending on time, mood, energy, whatever)
• My choice of podcasts varies according to my mood to support my wellbeing
• I use journaling to help me sort through difficult or complex emotions
• Reading a favourite comfort read or watching a favourite comfort film
• Go for a walk (even around the office, just the action of getting up and moving can help re-set)

Support network

I’ve written about the importance of support networks before, but it’s worth mentioning here as well. Honestly, just being able to talk through life in general with someone who can understand really helps.

Sometimes, when you talk about the internal workings of engineering teams, people who haven’t experience in these arenas can look at you like you have two heads on you. And when you look at things objectively, any profession will have aspects that seem really daft from the outside, but make absolutely perfect sense in context.

So, having people around you who have similar experiences really helps. Now “similar” is relative. I have a close friend who is a civil engineer and has always worked in construction companies. I have always worked as a maintenance engineer (or related!) in manufacturing facilities. And yet, there is a lot of overlap in our experiences to date. Similar issues arise, similar conflicts occur, similar achievements and celebrations…

So, it’s not always a matter of someone who works in the exact same position or environment, but more someone who has similar experiences and, preferably, someone you enjoy a chat with!

Express yourself

Holding things in just isn’t sensible. But I know that any expression of emotion from a female engineer can be deemed “hysteria” , “time of the month” or equally ridiculous tags in some environments.

It’s hard. Especially since there are times you hold everything in so long and then just explode (or maybe that’s just me!) And sometimes learning how to express yourself in a reasonable-for-your-environment manner is a skill that needs time and practice.

I have a whole post on “Emotions and Control” so check that out!

In an emergency

There are a few things you can do in an emergency. You know – those days when it feels like not only is the world on your shoulders but everyone else seems to be leaning on you just purely for the joy of seeing you suffer.

You know logically it’s not true, but at the same time, it’s hard to keep going. So what can you do?

• Go for a walk. No matter how bad the weather is – trust me, even 5mins outside will help.
• Make a cuppa. Your favourite beverage will work wonders.
• Take a time out. And make it clear to your team you’re taking a time out. I’ve seen people literally use the “time out” sign and walk away.
• Lock yourself in the bathroom and have a good cry. Times it can work wonders.
• Keep a pillow or cushion to scream into near your workstation. Just test it out at home to make sure you won’t scare your colleagues too much.

This is essential to everyone, but particularly in tough environments like engineering. And when you stand out, like most women in engineering do, it can feel even harder.

It is very much worth the effort of looking after yourself. And yeah – I don’t always practice what I preach, but I do 80% of the time. And that’s good enough!