EngineerHer

Let me say something that I think a lot of women in engineering need to hear.

That feeling you have, the one where you’ve delivered consistently for years, where your expertise is genuine and deep, where you’ve handled things that would have floored plenty of your peers… and you still feel like you’re somehow not quite enough? Like you’re one bad meeting away from being found out?

That is not imposter syndrome.

I know that’s what we’ve been told. I know “imposter syndrome” has become the go-to explanation for every moment of self-doubt a woman in a technical field has ever experienced. It’s in the books, the workshops, the well-meaning advice from managers who genuinely think they’re helping.

But here’s what imposter syndrome as a diagnosis does: it locates the problem inside you. It says the issue is your perception of yourself, your confidence, your internal narrative. Fix your mindset, and the problem goes away.

And that framing, however kindly it’s meant, lets the system completely off the hook.

What’s actually happening

Think about the last time you felt that creeping sense of not belonging in the room.

Now ask yourself: was it really about your abilities? Or was it about the fact that your ideas get questioned more than your colleagues’? That you get invited to present your work after the decision has already been made? That you’ve watched less experienced people get credit for things you built, sponsored for roles you were more qualified for, trusted with projects you’d already proven yourself on?

If it’s the latter, and for many of the women I work with, it is, then what you’re experiencing is not a confidence problem. It’s a rational response to an environment that has been, consistently and often subtly, undervaluing you.

Your nervous system is not broken. It’s paying attention.

The structural problem nobody names

Women in engineering, particularly those who are mid to senior career. face something I call the Overcomer load. It’s the accumulated weight of having to prove yourself in spaces that weren’t designed with you in mind, over and over again, for years on end.

It looks like this:

• You get brought into decisions late, after the direction has already been set, and asked to validate rather than shape.
• You deliver something excellent, and the response is “great, what’s next?” rather than any meaningful recognition.
• You watch people with less experience and less track record move faster, get sponsored sooner, and be given the benefit of the doubt you’ve had to earn repeatedly.
• You start wondering if the problem is you: your communication style, your visibility, your confidence… and you work on all of those things. And it still doesn’t shift in the way you expected.

That is not imposter syndrome. That is a structural problem that has been personalised and handed back to you as a self-improvement project.

Why “just be more confident” doesn’t work

Confidence advice is everywhere. Speak up more. Own the room. Back yourself.

And look, confidence matters. I’m not dismissing it entirely.

But confidence is not a magic lever that overrides structural bias. When the environment is sending you consistent signals that you are less trusted, less valued, less visible than your peers, signals that are often subtle enough to be deniable but persistent enough to accumulate, telling someone to “just be more confident” is a bit like telling someone to swim harder while quietly adding weights to their ankles.

It places the entire burden of change on the person experiencing the problem.

And it ignores the very real cost of spending years adapting to a system that was never going to fully reward you for it.

What actually helps

Here’s the reframe that I think matters most: you don’t need more experience to be taken seriously. You need a different strategy for how your expertise shows up.

That’s not the same thing as becoming louder, more political, or more ruthlessly self-promotional. It’s about being deliberate rather than hopeful; about actively shaping how you’re perceived rather than waiting for the quality of your work to eventually speak for itself.

Because here’s the hard truth: in most organisations, it won’t. Not on its own. Delivery is the entry ticket, not the prize.

Some of what that looks like in practice:

Positioning before the work, not just after it. Making sure that the right people understand what you’re working on and why it matters before it’s finished, not just when you’re presenting the outcome.

Building relationships with people who can advocate for you in rooms you’re not in. Mentors are wonderful. Sponsors (people who will actively put your name forward) are what actually moves careers.

Deciding what you will and won’t absorb. Part of the Overcomer load is continuing to tolerate things that cost you more than they cost the people doing them. That is a choice, even when it doesn’t feel like one.

Naming the pattern when it’s safe to do so. Not every environment is ready for that conversation, and you get to decide when and where. But sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is say, calmly and clearly: “I’ve noticed a pattern here, and I’d like to talk about it.”

None of this is quick. None of it is a single workshop fix. But it is buildable, deliberately, over time.

You are not the problem

If you’ve spent the last decade quietly wondering what’s wrong with you: why you can’t just shake off the self-doubt, why the recognition never quite arrives, why you’re still having to prove yourself when surely by now it should be obvious, then I want you to hear this clearly.

You are not the problem.

You are a highly capable, deeply experienced engineer who has been operating in a system that asked more of you than it asked of others, gave you less credit than it gave to others, and then handed you a mindset book when you raised your hand to say something felt wrong.

That is a structural problem. And structural problems require structural thinking, not just personal resilience.

If this is resonating, if you’re recognising yourself in the Overcomer pattern and you’re ready to think about this more deliberately, the Leadership Load Diagnostic is a good place to start. It takes about 4 minutes, and it’ll tell you where your load is heaviest right now.

➡️ Take the Leadership Load Diagnostic here

And if you missed last week’s post introducing all three load types, the Carrier, the Backbone, and the Overcomer, you can find it here. It’ll give you the full picture.

You’ve been doing the work for a long time. It’s time the strategy caught up with the effort.