EngineerHer

I want to try something a little different this week.

Over the past couple of months, I’ve been writing about microaggressions, office housework, technical credibility, and the exhausting invisible curriculum that women in engineering navigate every single day. And the response has been, frankly, overwhelming. Not because these are new ideas, but because so many of you have never seen them named out loud before.

And that got me thinking.

Because here’s the thing: all of those topics are connected. They’re not separate problems. They’re different expressions of the same underlying phenomenon: the leadership load that accumulates quietly, over years, in a career that was never quite designed with you in mind.

And I want to help you figure out which part of that load is weighing on you most right now.

First, let’s talk about what leadership load actually is

When we talk about “burnout” in engineering, we tend to blame overwork. Too many projects. Too many meetings. Too many late nights.

But for women in engineering, particularly those of us who are 15, 20, 25 years in, the load that’s actually grinding us down is usually less visible than that.

It’s the energy that goes into managing how you’re perceived as well as doing the actual work.

It’s the hours spent smoothing conflict before it becomes a problem, anticipating what everyone needs, and absorbing other people’s stress before it reaches the team.

It’s being relied upon for things that were never in your job description: the institutional knowledge, the coordination, the “could you just…” tasks that quietly multiply.

It’s delivering excellent work for years and realising that delivery alone has never been quite enough to shift how you’re seen or where you sit.

That is leadership load. And it doesn’t show up in any workload analysis, because most organisations don’t know it exists. They just know that certain people (usually women) keep the whole thing running, and they quietly count on that continuing.

There are (broadly) three types

In my work, I see three distinct patterns. Most women carry a bit of all three, but usually one dominates.

The Carrier

This is the person the team emotionally regulates around. She notices the tension before anyone names it. She absorbs the stress before it becomes conflict. She finishes most weeks carrying things that were never technically hers to carry.

The Carrier’s superpower is emotional intelligence: real, hard-won, deeply practical emotional intelligence. The trap is that the team relies on it constantly, usually without even realising they’re doing it. And nobody budgeted for the cost of that.

The Backbone

This is the person who holds the institutional memory of an organisation. She knows the history, the context, the constraints, and the gaps, and she steps in because she can see exactly what happens if she doesn’t.

The Backbone’s work is essential in a way that is very rarely acknowledged, because the absence of disaster is invisible. Nobody notices the crisis that never happened. The trap is that being indispensable and being valued are not the same thing, and over time these two things can drift very far apart.

The Overcomer

This is the person who has spent years proving herself in rooms that weren’t designed with her in mind, and is tired in a way that a good night’s sleep doesn’t fix. Her experience is deep. Her credibility is real. And she is still being brought in after decisions are made rather than before.

The Overcomer’s trap is assuming that more delivery will eventually fix a perception problem. It won’t. That’s not a resilience failure – it’s a strategy gap.

Sound familiar?

If you read those three descriptions and felt something clench, recognition, relief, maybe a bit of grief, you’re not alone.

Most women who work through this with me score across all three. That makes complete sense. These loads don’t arrive separately; they build together, over years, in a career that has asked a great deal of you.

But there’s usually one that dominates. And knowing which one is your primary load is a genuinely useful place to start, because the strategies that help a Carrier are not the same as the strategies that help an Overcomer.

Take the Leadership Load Diagnostic

I built the Leadership Load Diagnostic for exactly this reason.

It takes about 4 minutes, it’s private and judgement-free, and it will tell you which type of load is weighing on you most right now — along with what that actually means and where to focus next.

➡️ Take the Leadership Load Diagnostic here

There are no right or wrong answers. Your first instinct is usually the most accurate.

And if you recognise yourself in more than one type, that’s not a problem, it just means there’s more than one place where things can get lighter.

Over the coming weeks I’m going to be writing in depth about each of these load types: what drives them, what they cost, and what actually helps. If you want to make sure you don’t miss those posts, the best thing to do is subscribe below.

You’ve been carrying a lot for a long time. Let’s start figuring out what’s actually yours to carry. Not to mention what isn’t.

Have you taken the Diagnostic? I’d love to know which type resonated most with you, drop it in the comments or send me a message.