EngineerHer

I know, scintillating topic. But I’m not here to cover the gossip element of the whole office relationships debacle. For a change, I’m covering something a bit topical in the wider world: The Coldplay Debacle. Which, to be clear, has really nothing to do with Coldplay at all, other than this couple getting caught out at one of their concerts.

I’ve got to be honest, my housemate shared with with me with the words, “Have you heard about the Coldplay scandal?” and I was genuinely shocked. For someone who grew up in a time when Gary Glitter was synonymous with 2rock scandal”, Coldplay is just not in the same league.

And no, I’m not linking to anything mentioning Gary Glitter.

If you like your scandals a bit more manageable, check out the behaviour of the major bands from the 70’s and 80’s. Throwing tellies out the window, drunken debauchery with possible teenagers, random acts of “rockstardom”… seriously. Way back in the depths of Gen X youth, rock stars were rebels. Coldplay? Not so much.

What happened?

For those without a housemate with an ear to the ground, basically, the CEO and HR Lead of an AI company in the States were caught on the “kiss cam” at a Coldplay gig. And Chris Martin (Coldplay’s frontman) was heard saying something along the lines of “either they’re having an affair or they’re very shy”. It was the former.

Cue scandal.

Now, I’ve got to be honest. I’m not up on the world of AI companies. I can probably name some of the really big ones… maybe… but this was the first I’d heard of Astronomer. Which I’ll come back to later.

For the purposes of this blog though, I’m not addressing the personal ethical or moral dimension to this story. What consenting adults do in private is their own business.

I do want to talk about the effects on the business itself though.

Business then

So, here’s the thing – people tend to meet romantic partners less through the chance encounters that romcoms sell us, and more through everyday activities. It makes sense when you think about it – that whole “love at first sight” is a bit unrealistic for most of us. School, work, friend groups, social activities – these are the traditional places to meet people.

And yeah, work is in there.

Usually, there isn’t a problem here. Two people happen to work in close proximity, but their roles have little to no relevance to each other. I’m not seeing the issue here.

Where the issues come in is when there is a vast power differential or where the relationship could cause ethical difficulties to one or other party. For example, if one person is part of the calibration activity at happens in pretty much any major corporation for end of year performance reviews and the other person is part of the cohort being evaluated.

Easily enough fixed, the first person excuses themselves when this person is being discussed. And most of the time, common sense prevails in these situations and people work with it.

And if the first person doesn’t excuse themselves, then their manager should raise the issue.

Look, when you’re in a country as small as Ireland, and you’re related to half the bloody country, work is a great place to meet people you’re not related to in any shape or fashion. And it’s getting even better now that we’re getting more immigrants to the country.

Because even if you look at your local GAA or soccer club, it’s not unusual to have half the team with the same three last names… (slight exaggeration, but only slight…)

What was wrong with the CEO and HR lead then?

Well for a start, I’m presuming there was a power differential. This hasn’t been made clear, but it would make sense for the head of HR to be reporting in to the CEO. Which means this wasn’t an egalitarian relationship. It would be very easy for the romance element to affect the business element.

This really isn’t the same as an engineer working on a manufacturing floor having a relationship with someone in finance. It’s very possible, especially for those early in their careers, for those two roles to have absolutely nothing to do with each other, professionally speaking.

But the head of HR and the CEO? That’s a close professional relationship. HR is a key strategic function, when done correctly, helping attract and retain the talent needed to fulfil the ambitions of the organisation. That also means helping managers make key decisions around their team – who joins, who stays and who goes.

If the head of HR and the CEO have a romantic relationship, that will definitely affect some of the decisions being made.

And even if they can categorically say the relationship didn’t – I’d imagine the organisation has the same ethics policies as most do these days. The ones where you have to declare any potential conflicts of interest to your manager – and the CEO answers to the Board.

What do we learn from this?

Well, first off, honesty is usually the best policy. A one night stand probably doesn’t need to be reported to anyone – especially not if all parties involved decide that was grand, leave it there. But anything more than that, particularly the higher up in the organisation you go, probably needs to be considered carefully. It doesn’t mean don’t have any romantic relationships in work. it just means be careful with them.

And take steps to ensure both parties are proceeding ethically.

And, now I need to return to the ethical bits. When it comes to extra marital affairs in the workplace, it’s usually the women who are more affected by the workplace gossip and judgement. Don’t believe me? Think of these terms:

• homewrecker
• bit on the side
• gold digger
• jezebel

Are any of those terms male coded? Can you even think of the male versions of these terms? The best I can come up with are “casanova” and “lothario”, which just don’t have the same negative connotations.

Society comes down harder on the women in these stories, usually. Regardless of whether she’s married or not. As women in STEM, we get thrown the “diversity hire” or “somone’s good in bed” often enough (less so in recent years to be fair) – we don’t need to be added fuel to that fire.

In the end, I’m not interested in the morality piece of this story. I am interested in the effect on people’s professional careers as a result of this.

So far the male CEO has resigned. No word yet on the female head of HR.

We will wait and see.