EngineerHer

Yes, I know, “treat yourself like a toddler” sounds a bit dodgy. But bear with me ok?

And yes, this is linked to the reason there haven’t been any posts for a few weeks – namely, life.

Ok, it’s possibly inspired by my darling niece as well. Cos she is three, and therefore rules the world. Or at least the lives of everyone she comes in contact with, which, y’know, not such a bad life.

But why am I telling you to treat yourself like a toddler?

Self care

We all talk about self care. Hell, I’ve written about it before on this blog. But when we speak about self care, we often think the wellness industry inspired costly options like massages, manicures/pedicures, facials, fancy coffee, etc.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those options. I’m a massive fan of the spa close to my work place. I’m over there at least once a month and I think I’ve worked my way through their entire massage list at this point. So, when I say, there is definitely a place for this kind of self care, I mean it!

But there is another more basic level of self care. Even more basic than the list I reference in the above post. And it’s where the toddler care aspect comes in.

What is toddler care?

Well, it’s essentially treating yourself like a toddler. Yeah, I know. Obvious. But bear with me.

Think of all that the adults around them do for toddlers:

• they start getting upset, we distract them
• we regularly ask if they’re hungry or thirsty
• we regularly check in re: toilet needs
• we make sure they get enough rest
• we make sure they don’t spend ALL day in front of the telly
• we make sure they use up their energy by running around
• we make sure they have activities that use their brains
• we make sure they have variety in life, whether food, clothes, activities…
• we help them understand what’s going on in the world
• we explain the safety rules to them
• we check in re comfort
• we introduce them to new books, games, music, toys

Now… let’s have a think about what this would mean for you?

Stress levels rising

I’m assuming if you’re reading this blog, you work or are looking to work. And if you work, there will be times when the stress levels are rising. It’s not ideal, but I have never met anyone who has never experienced any stress in work…

OK, sometimes, I look at what stresses people out and wonder how on earth something so minor stresses them out – but then, there are people looking at me that way as well. Swings and roundabouts, people!

For a baseline here, let’s just assume you’re in a situation where the stress levels are rising.

You recognise the stress levels are rising. You can’t do anything about the source of the stress. Let’s face it, very often, the source of stress is a person. And HR tend to take a dim view of removing people. Without due procedure anyway…

So, we’re looking at stress levels rising. Now, if you look at how you’d deal with a stressed out toddler – or one who’s getting to the stressed out point. What would you do?

You’d probably offer them water or a drink.

Followed by maybe some food.

Then distraction – look, shiny object. Your favourite song. That sort of thing.

Change the scene, the location. Move them to a different room or a different part of the room.

Maybe remove some distractions. Give them some quiet time.

Translate this to the workplace, please?

OK, so here we go.

First off, remove yourself from the stressful situation. In most cases, this can mean literally walking away from someone. Yeah, ok, it might appear rude, but honestly, if they’re stressing you out that much, the conversation isn’t going anywhere anyway. You can pre-empt any accusations of rudeness with a quick, “Sorry, I need to be somewhere else.” And walk away. Crucially, don’t re-engage after saying that.

Then get yourself somewhere quiet. Take a few deep breaths. Check in with yourself.

Would you like some water? Some coffee? Some tea?

Is this a situation where chocolate actually might help?

Can you play your favourite tune for yourself on head phones or even in your head?

Can you get out for a walk, some fresh air?

Does your facility have a quiet room, a meditation room or a wellness room? If not, can you disappear to the bathroom for a few minutes?

If all else fails, can you suddenly remember an important inspection away from the office you need to do right now. Most of us industry engineers can think of a handy location to inspect in emergencies.

And if you’re office bound – the bathroom. Don’t underestimate it as a place of retreat. Where else can you retreat to with few people asking questions?

Outside of the immediate stressors

But these things are also important on an ongoing basis.

How many times a day do you stop and check in with yourself? Never?

You’re not alone. Most of us either have a set time we go for breakfast or lunch or else, slightly more concerningly, we don’t have any time and are grabbing food and water in between meetings or worse – during meetings.

It’s rare we stop and tune in with our bodies throughout the working day. Or indeed, the day at all. And it’s a really important habit to get into. Because we aren’t machines. We can’t entirely base our eating and drinking habits on routine. Routine is a great base. It’s a wonderful foundation. But it’s not the whole building.

How many times a day do you ask yourself if you are feeling hungry or thirsty?

Yes, we all grab coffee (or most of us do!) almost on autopilot, but coffee isn’t always what quenches our thirst. Sometimes, especially in summer, it’s really water we need. And ok, that massive bottle left on your desk is a great reminder, but it’s also not going to drink itself.

Building the habit of checking in with yourself multiple times a day is vital in enacting toddler care.

Practical steps

I’m gonna be honest – I have toddler care alarms on my phone. I don’t always activate them, but it’s worth it to have them already set up. And particularly on busy days, it’s important to take that 30 seconds, check in with myself and see what I need.

Sometimes it’s as simple as adjusting my desk height because my neck is sore. Or just taking a lap of my office cos my hip is getting stiff.

Sometimes it is as basic as taking a sip of water.

I start with a body scan. I start at my head and just notice what’s going on. How does my head feel? Fuzzy, calm, relaxed, busy?

How are my neck and shoulders feeling? Stiff, need a shrug, need a swing?

Back? Stiff, slumped, straight, tense?

Stomach? Empty, growly, pain, knots?

Hips?

Legs?

Feet?

All of this gives me information and it’s up to me to act on that information then.

So, sometimes, I will stand up and stretch for a few minutes. People stop staring after a while and accept it as normal – trust me.

And if you work with engineers, most of them won’t notice in the first place…

If my stomach is feeling empty, growly or otherwise not happy – what will make it feel happier? Sometimes the answer is chocolate. More often it’s a bite to eat or possibly a walk or some deep breathing. (I feel tension and stress in my stomach… your mileage here may vary)

If feeling your body is too much trouble or feels too awkward, here’s a list of questions to ask yourself:

• What would a drink of water feel like right now?
• How would it feel to eat right now?
• Would I feel better if I went for a walk?
• Do I need to stretch my neck and shoulders?
• Do I need the bathroom?
• Would it be useful to change tasks right now and come back to this later?

I know this seems really basic, but that’s the whole point of toddler care.

Give yourself the same attention and care you’d give a toddler

Yes of course, sometimes you need to stick a toddler in front of the telly and hope they sit still for 30 seconds. And sometimes, as an adult, you have to push through times of stress with less care to yourself that you’d like.

But there’s extremely rare times you definitely need to skip food, water, quick stretch. In fact, it can really help with extended working sessions when you do this. Fresh air helps immensely as well.

You think I’m joking? Try it for a day. See how it works out. Once an hour just ask yourself the above questions.

And if need be – remember, no one can really bother you on a bathroom break!!