EngineerHer

Every engineer in the place is now running for the hills. And if they haven’t already, they will with the next sentence… Your head isn’t enough to engage with coaching. You have to engage your heart as well.

Getting stuck in our heads

As engineers, we usually like to work with data. Information. Facts. Figures. Preferably in a spreadsheet or graphic format. If you’re getting really fancy, throw in some colours.

But when we’re working with our future and engaging thought processes to plan our lives? The head isn’t the best way to go. I mean, think of yourself at 20. Do you really want that person making decisions for your entire life?

I know I wouldn’t. But that’s what it can be like, by only using out brains for career planning. We want to figure everything out in advance. We want things to be sure and certain before we take any action.

Coaching doesn’t work like that.

I know – this is hard for a lot of people, but it’s true.

Being able to work things out, problem solve, work from facts and figures – it’s a strength. Definitely.

But strengths can always become weaknesses. When you’re only tool is a hammer…

Well ok, smartypants, what else do we use?

Your heart. Your gut. Your soul (if you have one, let’s not assume).

Have you heard of the book, The Body Keeps the Score? If not, it might be worth checking out, for information on how our bodies retain memories of trauma, experiences and anything highly impactful in general.

But what it also means is our bodies can remember things our mind has buried or forgotten. And it means that sometimes our gut or our heart reacts in a more authentic way than our brains. Because, the body remembers.

As engineers, we can over-rationalise. We can ignore signs from our bodies. We can depend on the facts as they are presented without considering emotional reactions.

Because those emotions can tell us a lot.

Remember that scene in Friends, where Phoebe lies to Rachel about her pregnancy? (Yes, I know, showing my age! But episode 801 apparently)

The gut reaction tells a lot in a given situation. Answering the question, how do I feel about X really helps clarify what’s needed.

Visualisations

As a coach, I do use visualisations to help clients in this way. Imagining yourself in a given situation will allow your body to tell you what you’ll be feeling… or at least what’s likely to be felt.

It’s not foolproof, of course. And it needs trust between client and coach to really work. If you can’t relax, you won’t be able to rest easy physically and imagine something.

But it’s a powerful tool. It works for preparation and for determining if something is for you or not. And it’s relatively easy. And of course, incredibly difficult at the same time – as the best tools are. But a decent coach can help you work through those initial stumbling blocks.

You can see how being too intellectual in your coaching endeavors won’t help here, right? Just because something looks great on paper, doesn’t mean it’s the right move for you to make.

Gut reaction

Sometimes you go to an interview and your gut tells you something is wrong. Your head might be able to rationalise afterwards, but in the moment, your gut knows something is wrong. And, frankly, I’ve been saved from bad fates too often by listening to my gut, my instinct, my heart, whatever you call it to refuse to listen to it now.

And often, that’s how I’ll choose a coach. Might not be the cheapest, the most expensive, with the most experience, whatever… but it’s a gut feel that I need to learn something from this person.

Sometimes it’s a hard gut reaction to not work with someone. I listen to those too!

But either way – life isn’t an entirely intellectual exercise, so why would you expect coaching to be?

Want to talk to me more about this? Click here for a free chat!