EngineerHer

Last week I was talking about the importance of writing as part of a plan for dealing with stress, trauma and difficult situations in work. And as part of that, I mentioned that a pretty, special, new, clean notebook probably wasn’t the place to start.

In this post, I want to explore that thought and why I say it. And also, how you can get yourself to a place where you do use the special notebook, or the good china, or expensive candle…

Because, after all, to quote Jennifer Aniston in the L’Oreal ad from the 90’s… “you’re worth it”

What stops us using the “good stuff?

Let’s face it – nearly all of us are guilty of this. We have the “good cutlery” we got as a wedding gift that gets used maybe once a year? Or the really lovely china set we inherited from a loved one that we hold deep in our hearts… and our cupboards?

Why don’t we use it? Because we’re worried something might happen to it? These things are just that – things. They have form and function. And surely it pays them more respect to use them for their proper function?

It feels painful to make that first mark in a clean, new, fancy notebook. But once it’s done – it’s over. And now the notebook can be used and bring a smile to your face whenever you use it. In a difficult meeting, you can glance down at the pattern or the motto on the front and remember who you are and what you are about. Something as small as this can help you ground into yourself at a time when people would prefer you didn’t.

But there’s barriers in place, right? After all, is the good china still the good china when it’s cracked and flaking? Well, it might not be worthy of royalty, but seriously, how often do you have royalty round for a cuppa?

It’s not an issue with me anyway… Frankly most of my visitors are grateful that these days fresh milk and clean delph are available more regularly than when I was younger…

The simple pleasures

Life gets tough at times. And many times in our lives work is the tough bit. Or at least – the icing on the cake of toughness that we have to deal with. I know I’ve been talking about ways to deal with this for the last few weeks, but honestly, it’s important.

And sometimes, giving ourselves these small moments of pleasure make it all worth while. I mentioned above being in a tough meeting and reminding ourselves who we are. Sometimes it’s not just a meeting. Sometimes it’s the end of a difficult project. Or a project that’s late, over budget, or just not working in some way.

The pressure builds. Work can become all consuming. Pleasure or relaxation or joy seems a long, distant thing. It’s a drudge, a horrible, exciting, terrifying drudge. And there will be times when there appears to be no end. Once one fire is put out, another one appears. In an apparently never-ending succession.

It’s not that I think this phenomenon is unique to engineering. I just think by the nature of our work, it happens a lot and as women in engineering, we put more pressure on ourselves to be perfect all the time, so this situation just feels worse. And then, we may have a tendency (definitely not looking in the mirror here) to beat ourselves up further for being perfectionists, and adding “don’t be a perfectionist” to our already overwhelming to-do lists…

Here’s where those small, simple pleasures come in.

• Pretty notebook
• New notebook with motivational quote on the front
• New lipstick/ special lipstick
• Using the good china
• The fancy coffee
• That bra that makes you feel good

Why wait?

We don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. We don’t know how long we have on this earth. What we do know is that there is not one documented case of someone dying and being delighted they didn’t have more pleasure in their lives…

Usually the regret is in relation to what they didn’t do: not using the good china; not saying “feck off” to the job they hated; not spending more time with loved ones; not traveling; not having the nice coffee; not establishing clear work/life boundaries, or not establishing them sooner.

As an engineer, I firmly believe that anything we build or make has a function and we should use it for that function. Now, to be 100% honest, I’m saying this knowing I have not one, but two sets of good cutlery we got for our wedding that are still in boxes on the top shelf. We didn’t even bother getting them out for Christmas this year, cos it was too much hassle to get them down. I’ll have to fix that at the weekend…

But equally, if we are using resources to make the items we hold special, shouldn’t we then use them and make it worthwhile to make them?

Do you know anyone at the end of their life who’s saying, well thankfully all those notebooks are still in pristine condition?

What would bring you small pleasures in work?

Look, I know not everyone has the same obsession with a nice notebook that I have. But you will have something. And whether it’s using a nice pen, or wearing a type of clothing or wearing make-up… you deserve these small pleasures.

You deserve to feel like yourself at work. And think of the example you’re showing to others around you…

So use the things that help you feel like you.

And if you can’t do this in your current workplace? Get in touch. We can and will find you somewhere you can do this!