EngineerHer

I know, I know… this is a women in engineering blog. And here I am, writing about why men are important. But bear with me, ok?

Now, I’m not going to go through why diversity is important. I’ve written about this before in a variety of places. I’m assuming if you’re reading this blog, you’re at least prepared to admit that diversity is probably a good thing.

But I am going to talk about why men are important in this movement..

Male allies: what are they?

Well here’s the thing. A male ally is someone who is male, who is actively working towards erasing or reducing the gender gap in engineering.

This isn’t about putting blame anywhere. It’s also not about assuming all men in engineering positions got there because they were male. That’s not the case at all.

But it is about acknowledging that there are a lot more men than women in engineering. There are a lot more men than women in senior roles in engineering. There are a lot more male decision makers than female decision makers in engineering. But when it comes to diversity initiatives, it tends to be the women who are contacted for support.

Male allies actively work to take over some of that work and look to see how they can make things better. This requires some personal work on their part, since everyone has biases. Unconscious and conscious. Mostly because our brains are wired to promote and seek “people like us”, and divide the world into “us and them”. This is human nature. Seriously. (See this paper for a fairly understandable explanation: Perdue, C. W., Dovidio, J. F., Gurtman, M. B., & Tyler, R. B. (1990). Us and them: Social categorization and the process of intergroup bias. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59(3), 475–486. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.59.3.475 )

So, just even acknowledging the need for male allies is a step in the right direction.

How do we persuade more men to be allies?

Now, really and truly, most men aren’t actively pushing things to be less diverse. Most of them, in engineering, that I’ve met, would be saying they haven’t any issues with women in engineering, as long as they have the training and competence to do the job. We are, after all, data-drive, fact-obsessed, engineers.

Not some airy-fairy profession where feelings or biases should come into play.

But even the way we collect data and display data can be the subject of bias. Not to mention the joys of interpretation of data…

So, how to persuade men to be allies? Well, as soon as they realise how good for the profession it is, they tend to jump on board like billio. Really and truly. That’s the joys of a profession that prides itself on facts and figures.

Now, one thing to overcome is the assumption that everyone has the same access to the profession and women just don’t choose it for whatever reason. That’s something a lot of men believe, even in the face of evidence to the contrary. That’s one of the issues with confirmation bias in the world. Again, another perfectly natural human tendency. No one and nothing to blame on it. Just a thing that we need to be aware of.

Then we look at the emotional connection. Making a comparison to the potential ally’s family and friends can help here, but not always. There are many men out there who know that the benefits of helping more women and girls into the profession far outweigh any possible downsides.

Honestly, the best route I’ve found? Aside from the man in question having a daughter or niece or cousin wanting to join the profession and experiencing obstacles? Sharing my story. That’s in part why I started writing this blog.

Despite all evidence in the news to the contrary, the vast majority of men are normal, decent human beings. I know that sounds sarky as hell, especially when I advocate for caution when dealing with strange men, but that’s because the consequences of meeting one of the dangerous ones far outweigh the likelihood…

So, given that a) most men are normal, decent human beings and b) in a work environment, you can get a decent idea of who to trust with your story, it can be straightforward to share that story. It doesn’t have to be all in one go. It doesn’t have to be one man at a time. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be just men. But sharing stories is how we build community and teams. So, when something happens in the workplace and you can share some of your experience to add a personal dimension to the situation – and, more importantly, you feel happy and safe to do so – then add in your story. Tell men about your experiences.

Tell them about the teacher at school who tried to dissuade you from honours maths, cos why waste your time on it.

Outline some of the basic issues on construction sites with just using the bathroom. Or PPE that fits.

Share those occasions when you’ve felt really uncomfortable in work and you’re fairly certain the men around you had no idea you were uncomfortable. Or indeed why you might have felt uncomfortable.

It isn’t about blame. It’s about sharing. Educating. Engaging in stories and learning.

And most of all, showing how small actions can have a big impact.

What if the man isn’t interested?

Honestly, just walk away then. If a man isn’t interested in hearing your story, there’s no point in forcing it on him. It can lead to frustration on both sides and having the opposite effect than you think.

Equally, you may find a man is originally uninterested, but comes back with questions. Now, most of us can tell pretty quickly if a series of questions is in good faith or not. If the latter, feel free to brush him off. But for a man trying to understand or trying to clarify, it’s usually worth taking the time.

As I’ve said previously, it’s not down to you, as an individual, to take on this work. If you’re not interested in sharing your stories, not interested in talking to people about the problems and opportunities with achieving gender parity in engineering – don’t. Unless you’re actually hired as a diversity, equality and inclusivity professional – it’s probably not in your job description. There is no onus on you to do this.

But if you want to, if you see an opportunity, if you have a great relationship with someone who can shape policy or make major decisions – it’s worth bringing them round in my experience.