EngineerHer

I was so tired on Friday, I forgot to even look at my page a day calendar for inspiration. I was 100% focused on survival until the earliest possible time I could clock out and go home. I then, for medicinal purposes of course, spent the majority of the weekend curled up on the couch with a new Marian Keyes and a new Sophia Kinsella for company. (Not sponsored links, mind you) I needed some downtime. I didn’t even log onto facebook all weekend.

And then when I came into work this morning, I had the below quote waiting for me.

Don’t let a little discomfort distract you from your future. You’re forging a new way for generations after you to love themselves and live authentically. This isn’t easy work. Keep it up.

And it was worth it for the reminder.

Is discomfort the correct word?

Now, I’m not saying me posting a mostly anonymous blog is dangerous. I’ve written before, on several occasions, that Irish employment law would make it difficult for someone in my position to be fired over a blog. Unless I was giving away company secrets, and honestly, I don’t know any! This isn’t work like on the front lines of the Black Lives Matter movement. Or the pro-choice movement, for that matter.

I am highly unlikely to be physically attacked, doxed, etc because of talking about women in engineering. I have been threatened with SWAT teams before, but honestly – they’d have to find the house first and they don’t have a brilliant record of that even in the States, never mind rural Ireland. (We do have the Garda Emergency Response Unit, but they’re unlikely to be called out for a blogger. Seriously. Policing by consent – some of ye should look into it!)

So “dangerous” isn’t the right word.

But sometimes, this isn’t comfortable work. It’s not comfort doing the self-reflection required to examine ourselves and how we might have done better. Definitely not comfortable looking back on past actions and deciding where we went wrong and what we definitely shouldn’t have done in a given circumstance.

There are loads of things I am not happy with my younger self for perpetuating and allowing to slide. But I also understand the reasons why she did those things.

So, probably, for me, discomfort is the right word.

What about other people?

As I said, I do this work in very little danger of repercussions. There are a lot of people out there who do this work even with the threat of repercussions. And I admire them greatly. It’s not easy to stand out in an environment where no job is safe. Where even a signed contract isn’t enough to guarantee a role is secure.

And yes, women do it. They stand up. They challenge the status quo. There is a large cohort of women out there who have fought for the rights we currently enjoy and are continuing the fight for the rights we have either lost or are yet to gain. And while I focus on women in engineering, or women in STEM, I also keep an eye on the wider feminist atmosphere. Because none of us are free until we are all free. (To butcher the Maya Angelou quote)

I mentioned pro-choice and Black Lives Matter movements above there. There are also intensive campaigns about disability rights, carers’ rights, neurodivergent rights – all of these impact women in more ways than men because… intersectionality.

And I’m going to be honest. I ran a workshop recently on social activism with a select group of people, and one of the major topics for discussion was how to keep yourself safe. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

That includes minding your energy levels. Being confident around what you’re willing to do and when/how you’re willing to do it.

The commitment

I have said, over and over again, that before I die, I want people to not respond with “Wow” when I say I’m an engineer. That’s my mission in this life. Along the way, I work with many different people, who’s causes intersect with my own. That’s normal. But the important thing is to never lose sight of the end goal.

It’s not always comfortable. I don’t want to remember the times when I laughed along with offensive jokes or even contributed to them. The times when I intentionally made myself uncomfortable, or indeed burnt myself out, to avoid raising issues or making a fuss. But part of life is learning from mistakes. And even better if you can learn from other people’s mistakes. (Hence why I share mine)

None of this is easy. It’s why step 2 in my process is “reconciling the past“. I mean, I’m extremely grateful that Facebook or Twitter or even digital cameras weren’t available during my teenage years. There are far too many memories and events and utterances that I can’t stand by now. And I see all too often with the younger generations that they are “caught out” by something that was said when they were younger and less well informed. It’s one thing to call someone out on something that they said last week, or last month. It’s another to imagine they are the same person that put out a tweet 10 years ago. It’s possible they are, of course, but unlikely in my experience.

This is where I find Síle Walsh’s work on inclusive leadership really empowering. She talks about “calling in” rather than “calling out”. About ways to educate and inform, rather than laying down the law and causing disruption. She has a brilliant book out on the topic as well, not to mention her podcast.

Discomfort vs progress

No progress was ever made without discomfort – not that I’ve seen anyway. As women in engineering, we’re forging new paths all the time. We may not be the first in our team or our organisations, but as we move forward, we’re looking to make things better for the next generation, so they can build on what we do, rather than having to start afresh all the damn time.

That means addressing the issues within ourselves. It means looking at what we’ve done well over the years and what hasn’t gone so well. And sometimes it’s the things we’ve done well that are most uncomfortable than the other things. As women in engineering – and possibly women more generally – we’re all too good at critiquing ourselves.

Praise? That can sometimes be an issue. But it’s worth doing as well.

So, yes, discomfort can distract us from the overall mission. And prioritising our safety is important. But safety=/= comfort, necessarily. And discerning the difference between being unsafe and being uncomfortable is important.

In other news, I am putting together a small group of 5 women to work through an 8 week program to follow my 6 step program and overcome the visible and invisible barriers that stop us moving forward in work. If you are interested, drop me an email:info@engineerher.org. Cost is deliberately kept low because this is the first time I’ve done this in a group setting, but will be in the region of €800 for the full course and payment plans are an option.

Not sure if I’m right for you? No problem. Here’s the feedback one of my previous clients passed on:

I can’t express enough gratitude for what Orlagh has done for me over the past three months. When I first came to her, I had only a vague idea of what I wanted to focus on. Through her thoughtful questioning and insightful exercises, she guided me to explore my thoughts deeply, helping me gain clarity and direction.

It’s been truly transformative to witness how my thought processes have shifted, allowing me to recognize the small but significant things that were holding me back. Thanks to my sessions with Orlagh, I’ve become more self-aware, which has created the space for personal growth in the areas we’ve been working on.

Orlagh has an incredible ability to make you feel comfortable and understood, as if you’ve known her for years. Her warmth and genuine nature allowed me to open up and be vulnerable, feeling safe to face truths I had buried and avoided. Her kindness and encouragement have been invaluable, and the tools she’s provided have helped me uncover and confront what I needed most.

And if you want to have a chat before signing up, that’s also no problem. Drop an email to info@engineerher.org and we’ll set something up!