EngineerHer

I’m going to be honest, this wasn’t necessarily a conscious decision to make a stand, it was more of a “why me?” thing. But about ten years, I decided I was no longer going to cut cake at work.

People laugh at me for this, but here’s the thing. When you’re the only woman on the team or in the room, those sorts of small, “traditionally female” type of activity tends to fall to you. And you’d be amazed at some of the reactions I get.

Why I chose to do this

Like I said, it wasn’t necessarily a big major feminist decision. It started as more of an experiment, to see what would happen. I started off polite. “I’d prefer someone else to do it”. “I don’t want to today.” (yeah, they were the polite responses!)

In some cases I was met with surprise. It was only cutting a cake, after all. Even from women in engineering, they couldn’t see the issue with being asked to cut cake. And it’s not really the cake cutting itself. We all know that, right?

It’s the assumption that if there’s a woman in the room, she will be cutting the cake. A man cutting a cake while there is a woman in the room to do so can look and feel very strange. I looked for a picture of a man in a suit cutting cake for this article. I got wedding pictures or plasterers. I went with the plasterers, because, why not!

The Office Mammy

(For any US based readers – I’m talking about the Irish Mammy here, not the one ye might be familiar with from Gone with the Wind! Use Google. There’s entire Reddit threads devoted to this cultural icon.)

There’s a tendency, in male dominated offices and teams, to have the sole woman in the room play the “mammy” role. I’ve heard stories of senior female engineers being the ones to order the tea/coffee/biscuits, always take minutes at meetings, even have the personal kind of chats with new recruits that the manager really should be having. Like mentioning to a new recruit they need to shower more often.

Yeah, adult males, post-3rd level, needing to be told to wash more often. And it fell to the woman on the team, rather than the manager. Because she’s just “naturally” be better at it.

The same way women are “naturally” better at housework. Childcare. Patience. Putting others first. Being self-effacing. You know the list I’m on about. We all know the list I’m talking about.

And it’s pure rubbish.

But women do tend to get the Mammy tasks in a male dominated office. How many men do you have who nip out to the shops last minute to pick up a cake for a birthday? How many men do you turn to to organise a meeting room? To organise the office party?

Women “naturally” fall into these roles, for some reason. (Please note the side eye here. I’m side eyeing so hard, I might give myself an eye cndition)

Nothing is ever simple

Now, I understand that with so many examples of sexism, picking on something so small can seem like a waste of time. After all, the leaky pipeline is a real concern, and surely one more urgent and pressing?

Well sure it is. But here’s the thing. Many of us don’t have a massive amount of influence on the leaky pipeline. But we can make these small changes to make life better for those coming after us.

We still have to battle on with the ongoing issues with lack of senior women in engineering. Our apparent inability to go more than a few months without a new accreditation or degree or qualification. Hell, some of us are still struggling for accessible bathroom facilities.

But many of us can make a small stand in these ways. After all, who’d make a fuss about cutting a cake?

You can make up excuses. Blame religion. Blame a sore wrist. Blame your menstrual cycle.

But taking steps like this really will help in the long run, in my opinion.

What does this look like?

I started telling people why I wouldn’t cut cake. It told me a lot about my co-workers and management, I’ll tell you.

Some reactions were thoughtful, considered and got people thinking.

Others were… disappointing.

Now, maybe it isn’t cake in your office. Maybe it’s replenishing the coffee. Or sorting out the working lunches. Or ordering the stationary. There are general admin activities in any office or team. And these are the tasks I want you to have a think about.

Do they fall “automatically” to you? Or is it a “general” responsibility that just magically tends to fall to you? Or you’re the one that notices something needs doing and goes and does it?

What would happen if you stopped doing this activity? How would people react? Would someone else step in?

You don’t have to do anything

Seriously now. If this sort of thing doesn’t bother you – go you. If you are perfectly happy doing the bits of admin that currently fall to you, that’s absolutely fine. I’m not trying to force you into some sort of weird stand off with the rest of the office!

But if you have some ideas around why these things fall to you, it might be worth doing that experiment.

See what happens when you stop doing the things that people assume you’ll take care of.

I’m really interested to hear the results!