EngineerHer

I don’t know if you’ve been following the various comments on social media in the last few weeks about an apparently simple question posed to some women. “If you had the choice between meeting a strange man or a bear in the woods, what would you choose?”

It didn’t surprise me that many, many women replied with “bear”. It also didn’t surprise me that this prompted many, many men to respond with accusations of lack of intelligence, threats of violence, sexual assault, death, etc.

I mean, some men appear determined to prove the point here…

But at one point, someone said to me that it was easy for me to say “bear” since in Ireland, I’d rarely have to encounter one. And we don’t have wild bears in Ireland as far as I know. There might be a few people living wild that could resemble bears, but that’s a different story.

So, I was working my through an equivalent. Initially, I was thinking “badger”. For those who don’t think a badger is dangerous, I invite you to watch this video. (Yes, it’s an American badger, but really, they’re no tamer than the Irish kind…) But a badger will first try to disappear into their nearest sett, rather than apparently randomly attack.

Then I thought back to my childhood. And I thought bull. This is perfect for the discussion at hand. Now, to put this into perspective, here’s some thoughts about my childhood. My maternal Grandad kept cattle. So there were bulls around. I was rarely, if ever, even allowed in the same field as a bull. Even the quiet ones.

I was also allowed “herd” the cows from field to milking shed from the time I could toddle. I use the bunny ears because, frankly, those ladies knew where they were going and I was merely there for my own enjoyment, I think. So, it wasn’t the size of a bull that caused my Grandad to stop me going near them.

It was that he didn’t trust the bulls to leave me be. And he didn’t trust me to recognise the signs that the bull was getting agitated (fairly reasonably, by the way).

So, even now, when I come across a sign saying “bull in field”, I’m cautious. Very cautious. I might not always avoid a bull in a field, but it’s certainly there in my head to avoid if possible.

Even with that cautiousness, I would still prefer to meet a bull in the wild than a strange man. Because a bull is still reasonably predictable. There are usually signs given for a wicked bull. There’s usually a great big heavy chain hanging out of their nose for a start!

And I would treat any bull with caution, particularly one where I don’t know the owner to trust the signs.

And here’s the thing. There’s a long list of things that wouldn’t happen if a bull attacked me (this list is taken from many other people as well as myself, by the way)

• I wouldn’t see the bull in my office , laughing and joking with my colleagues about the “wild thing” he came across at the weekend
• I wouldn’t see the bull getting lauded for volunteer work in the very community he had targetted
• I wouldn’t have to deal with the bull at social occasions
• People would believe me when I said I was attacked by the bull
• People wouldn’t ask if I provoked the attack
• The bull’s friends wouldn’t lie to cover his ass
• The bull might run away if you startle him the right way
• The bull wouldn’t have a gun or a knife to hold me in place
• The bull wouldn’t video the encounter and transmit it all over the internet
• The local paper/ news reports wouldn’t promote the bull and the “bright future” it had in front of him that was being “ruined” by my “allegations” (bunny ears definitely needed in all places)
• I wouldn’t have to co-parent with the bull afterwards
• My previous history with bulls wouldn’t be brought into the equation
• A bull has never yet cornered me in work, to tell me all about what he wanted to do to his son’s girlfriend, who happened to look “just like me”
• A bull has never cornered me in work, in a rage, with a clenched fist banging the table
• A bull has never kicked the door in while I was in the bathroom at work
• A bull has never felt me up in the middle of a meeting
• #notallbulls is not, as yet, a hashtag going viral.

Look, this is just a sample of 17 facets of the whole conversations. My sincere hope is that no one reading this has gone through any of the above situations.

But realistically? The chances are you have. Or at least some of you have.

And as a woman in a male-dominated industry, the pressure can be on to accept things you wouldn’t otherwise accept, because you’re so used to standing out and this is just one more thing to deal with. Or you’ve spent so long trying to get tiny changes in attitudes that dealing with the big stuff? You don’t have the energy.

Or you’re in survival mode, and trying to get through to the next break, long weekend or holiday.

Let’s face it, I’ve had some very interesting conversations in work with men I respect since this man v bear debate has gained traction. Many of them had no idea of the micro-aggressions women in male-dominated work places face.

One man in particular got very irate on my behalf as I explained the context and background to an altercation/ interaction/debate/row (choose whatever word you feel most comfortable with) he had witnessed a few days before.

Because, when you’re not an expert, all bulls (and bears) can look alike. You’re not 100% sure how they’ll react, but you also know there are precautions you can take to avoid harm. And if you do get harmed in an interaction, you will be believed and get appropriate care and attention and support afterwards.

This is not the case with men. In the workplace, you can be accused of being over-sensitive, imagining things, engaging in some sort of campaign to discredit a fine engineer…

#notallmen. I know.

But I’ll choose the bull.