EngineerHer

When I think about women in engineering, and the obstacles they face, I often turn to the problems caused, advertently or inadvertently, by men. But there’s a lot of good that men can do as well and today I’d like to talk about some of that. So here’s some examples of what I’ve seen men do in the work place that supports women in engineering.

Proactively talk about talents and competencies

This is in particular with senior engineers. I have had the joy of working with many excellent engineers in the last two decades. But the ones that stand out in this regard are the ones who speak up when they see someone overlooked, for whatever reason. For example, as a project is being discussed and they are being credited with someone else’s work: I’ve seen many men speak out and say, “well, actually, now, you’d need to congratulate Mary about that, because she’s the one who did all the work there”. (Mary is fictional by the way!)

There are the ones that actively seek to ask about female talent in the pipeline as new projects and responsibilities are being considered. They don’t just wait to be asked about who they think is best, they will take the time, in one-to-ones or in other forums, to ask about specific female engineers. Part of the problem with female engineers is we can be a bit reticent about pushing our achievements forwards. Sometimes a sponsor like this helps a lot.

Even just asking the question can start a conversation. I’ve heard conversations like:

“What about Mary for that role?”

“I’m not sure she has the skills we need there. “

“Really? I saw her work on X project and she seemed to display A, B and C there. I think she’s worth discussing at least.”

“Hmmm, good point. OK, I’ll add her to the list”.

Now, ok – that’s not a guarantee that Mary will get the role, but at least her name is being added to the list!

Stepping in when the conversation turns sexist

It’s exhausting always being the one to speak out when the conversation turns sexist. And as a woman in engineering, you may have to do this. And it just makes you stand out more…

But there are very well tuned in men who can and will stand in for you in these situations. And this is important. Because, while eradicating sexist comments in conversations where women are present is one thing, eradicating them in conversations where women aren’t present is another. I value the men I have come across who will step up to that line and hold it.

It’s difficult. How often do sexist comments get shrugged off, even by men who are otherwise supportive?

“It’s only a joke.” (It’s not)

“Oh that’s just John. Sure he means nothing by it.” (He does)

“You’re over sensitive. This is just banter.” (You’re not and it’s not)

Having a man step into this space, as I’ve heard them do, is great. Now you might be wondering how I hear men in men-only spaces? Well, you try being seated next to a table full of men at any industry event…

Believing women

Most important, to me, are the men who believe women when they say they have experienced sexism in the workplace. The relief, when you approach someone, who just accepts what you have said and moves on to how to deal with it, is enormous.

Have you ever said the following?

“Are you sure you didn’t take it the wrong way?”

“Does he understand what he said?”

“I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding and can be resolved by an open conversation. “

“That doesn’t seem so bad.”

Have a think about it. The better responses I’ve had include:

“Well, that’s unacceptable.”

“Look, I know you can deal with this, but how can I help?”

“What do you want to do? I’m here to help.”

“Let me address this with him. Just tell me what you remember.”

Now, the more senior I get in organisations, the less of this sort of rubbish I come across, but it’s still really helpful to know someone has your back in these situations.

Knowing when to lead and when not

There’s a lot said about men being involved in getting more women into engineering and it’s an important role they play. Definitely.

But the important thing is to make sure you know when to take a step back. Seriously. I have seen so many good engineers step forward to help run events designed to get young women and girls interested in a career in engineering. They will do the work, they will show up and they will allow their female colleagues to be the public faces of the initiative.

Why?

Because they understand the importance of those young women and girls seeing female engineers. The importance of associating the role of “engineer” with women. Of not just being another careers talk by someone who has never been where they’ve been.

Acknowledging women as experts

I know, the temptation as an engineer is to give what knowledge you have when asked a question. But really, men help women immensely when they stand up and say, “Mary, you know way more than I do about this, can you field this one?”

(Assuming Mary does, in fact, know more of course!)

Being an senior engineer and acknowledging women as experts influences those less aware more than we realise. As engineers, the temptation is to think we base our opinions objectively on the facts. But it’s not always the case. The same societal values and biases feed into engineers, just as they do in normal people. (Anyone claiming engineers are normal hasn’t spent enough time around them.)

The first time I got called on in a senior meeting as an expert, I got flustered and anxious, because I wasn’t expecting it. I was used to funneling answers through my boss (seriously). Once I understood what was going on and that I did, indeed, know more than anyone else around the table about this topic, I got more confident. And it helped me see my value to the organisation as well.

#notallmen

Look, I get it. Not all men are overtly sexist. Most engineers I’ve worked with are grand, good at what they do. They can sometimes be less observant of social interactions than I’d like, or at least less aware of certain undercurrents, but overall, good people to work with.

And I know, it’s hard to keep on top over everything new that comes along. But if every male engineer out there took an intention to work on one of the topics above, things would improve dramatically.

This isn’t just about senior management. This starts from apprentices and graduates. This starts right at the beginning. And there are men out there doing it without any acclaim or applause at all. Fair play!